This title might be foreign words to some, but every missionary knows them all too well. Re-entry: you’re entering a place you have been before, typically to stay for an extended period of time. Reverse Culture Shock: the idea that you are experiencing difficulties and shock in an environment you are familiar with-often referred to as your passport country.

There is a website a missionary friend told me about that I often utilized in Burundi when I would be at a point of not understanding what I was experiencing emotionally, psychologically or spiritually. Turns out it was usually something many other missionaries had struggled with or wrote about through their own experiences. It was always comforting, even if it was words from a stranger. At least someone understands.

Here I am again, this time Stateside thinking what in the world is going on with me? This was my favorite article! I loved the way she married humor with the pain and confusion.

So many people want to help, they want to understand and be there for you as a returning missionary. And it is wonderful to have so many who care. But honestly, here’s the truth: we have no idea what we’re going through. We’re confused by our own emotions, we’re thrown off by the things that are difficult for us, we’re as shocked as you that we can’t answer your basic questions like how are you guys adjusting? What’s next? How are the boys? Is there something we can do? Pardon my blank stares, I am doing my best to come up with a good answer, but I haven’t the slightest idea.

Suddenly I am in this land that I lived in my entire life and I can’t remember things. I forget which side of the vehicle to get in on because the driver is on the opposite side here. I get overwhelmed in crowds that I used to be comfortable in. I’m nervous someone is going to ask me those questions I actually have no answers for. What do I say? How do I express anything of the depth we’re experiencing to people who have nothing to compare it to? Maybe I can revert to small talk. Do I even remember small talk? Remember the social cues are different here, wait am I missing them? I don’t have to translate what you’re saying, why then do I feel slow at understanding what you’re saying?

I take the wrong road because somehow more changed in nearly a year than I realized and I need to use Maps to get around now. What? I thought this was familiar land?

And what on earth is this weather? I remember Indiana had bipolar weather but somehow I have lost my intuition to choose the correct element. Snow? Sun? Wind? Tornado? Flood? Is it spring or winter now? Maybe it’s summer already. What month am I even in? Why did my children want to return to this state? Maybe we should look at houses where the sun shines?

My son wakes up nearly every night. I don’t blame him, I feel it too. You open your sleepy eyes and suddenly you are overwhelmed realizing you don’t remember where you are, all you remember is, “this isn’t Africa.” But aren’t I back in the places I am supposed to be familiar with?

Then there’s the grocery. It took me 3 solid weeks before Josh let me go in. The grocery is notorious for those returning from third world countries to go into fight, flight or freeze. The abandoned grocery cart in aisle 2 because you completely froze at trying to choose which chips to buy.

It’s just a bag of chips for goodness sake’s this should not be difficult! Then again, why on earth are there so many to choose from? I’m not just seeing different brands but my word there’s a million types of chips: potato chips, veggie chips, tortilla chips, multi grain, cheesy chips, gluten free, non gmo, organic….are you kidding me? I just wanted a salty treat for my kids because they missed eating American chips while in Africa! And now here I am, either stand there for another 5 minutes in the aisle or just abandon the mission altogether.

It’s an experience few have gone through too. So somehow you feel more crazy because what you’re experiencing is so abnormal from majority of society. There are the few, the few who get it because they too have returned from a life overseas or the few who are willing to accept they don’t get it but there’s no doubt they’re by your side.

Yes, we are going through a lot. And I do fully realize it is a season and it will pass. Soon enough the roads will all be familiar again and without even realizing it I will constantly get in on the correct side of the vehicle, I may even be able to go to the grocery and it not take over an hour. Or at least remember to choose to order groceries online. But then there’s the sadness that comes with all of that. The pain from the realization that my life in Burundi will one day be distant. The sorrow that I won’t remember it as clearly as I do today. And now I am crying.

We’re trying to navigate all of this the best we can. Your prayers are the most coveted thing, because we don’t know what else to say. We don’t understand “what’s wrong with us”. We’re hurting a lot still, our individual and familial lives were uprooted in 9 days. We weren’t expecting to leave so quickly. Yes, it was traumatic on some level. God’s will is best, but it is not easiest. We appreciate your prayers and patience as we’re fine and then we’re not! Please, pray for us to have wisdom and discernment as we walk through this re-entry and reverse culture shock. Pray for our kids. TCK’s and MK’s have an imprint forever and we need wisdom to shepherd them through this unique journey.

If you’re interested I highly recommend checking out the site www.alifeoverseas.com it can help you understand missionary challenges, MK’s/TCK’s and even the depths of a life overseas. Each missionary experience is still unique but it is always good to know you’re not alone.