I closed my laptop and wept with a mix of emotions flowing through me. I finished my last re-entry cohort meeting today. Why am I crying? I thought. If there’s anything I have learned in the last 9 months, it is that I really don’t have to understand the emotions and the reasons; I just need to let it out, allow them to come, release, and entrust them to the Lord. That is very difficult for me, who always wants to understand the why of everything.

I’m so thankful for God bringing me this group of 6 other women who are walking their re-entry journey as well. It is a very isolating place to be, having come back from work and life overseas, back to your passport country. I am so thankful for the ministry God has called Shonna Ingram to and the way He has used her to help so many of us who are in or have been in that isolating place.

I was able to grieve with a group of women who understood parts of my journey that few can understand. Even if you’re ready and know the doors are opening to return to your passport country, the transition is absolutely brutal for everyone. Missionaries are hurting and struggling; they are isolated, and 50% are returning unexpectedly. Maybe they have an aging parent, a sick child, or such trauma on the field that they need to get out. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been overseas; coming back is difficult. This group I was in had a variety of ages and a variety of reasons we were in this small group, but we shared grief and pain together that no one else could quite understand.

As I reflect this December on the past year, wow. My family has moved unexpectedly twice, once across the world and once halfway across the country, once with 8 days’ notice and once with 3 weeks’ notice. We lived on a mountain, we lived in a barn, we lived in people’s homes, we live in a house. We saw things we can never unsee while we were in Burundi. We heard things we can never forget. We cannot unknow what we now know, and we don’t want to either, even with the pain that accompanies the knowledge. We wept, we cried, we ached, we mourned, we laughed, we danced, we rejoiced, and we said goodbye. We have been utterly and completely confused, we have felt lost and isolated, we have been welcomed with such joy and prayed over fiercely by people we never even knew existed just 6 months ago. We have washed out wounds that festered for decades. We have felt the edge of the cliff of hopelessness, but much more; we have felt and know the strength and hope that comes from holding each other tight as you hunker down and the storm rages around you. Only God could bring us through. He took us to see, hear, and know that which forever changed us in Burundi. And He has continued to hold us, guide us, and provide when we saw no way possible.

I’m just one human on this vast planet. Everyone has a story, and every story is valuable. We’ve seen a lot of pain, and we know people who have experienced such devastation. There is no possible way this little family of 5 would have survived this year without the incredible hand of a faithful, loving God. As we should be entering a time of reflection and anticipation as Christmas approaches, and the end of another year comes and a new one begins, my deepest prayer is that more would know, truly, genuinely know this God who can sustain you through anything. He makes a way where there really isn’t a way today, even as He did for Moses and the Israelites through the Red Sea.

Here are some great resources if you’re interested in more reading.

I highly recommend this book for lay people, mission organizations, and anyone who is ever or may ever be in contact with a returning global worker. Navigating the Re-entry Journey by Shonna Ingram

Here is a good article helping people understand some of the trauma faced on the mission field for some, especially TCK’S/MK’S.

This article is extremely helpful in understanding more of what returning workers battle.