I have not wanted to write this post but it has been stirring in my heart and mind for a good month or so. I don’t want to write it because it is hard, it’s challenging and again, it’s hard. I’m human I prefer easy things. But I think the benefit outweighs the difficult. You will pray, you will understand better how to pray and it will probably be good for my own mama heart to share.

Every parent has struggles with their kids, probably every kid has struggles with their parents. We’ve certainly had both sides I’m sure. Bringing our boys to the middle of the middle of Africa really started to put a giant magnifying glass on some of those struggles. That’s not a bad thing, but it certainly FEELS like it sometimes.

We really started to see with Neil in particular that he was not able to handle a lot here the same as his brothers. We finally began thinking, hmm something may be off. Essentially, God led us to an occupational therapist we reached out to in December. God completely provided, as He does. She works virtually with homeschool families and, unbeknownst to us, she is even a strong believer.

We were able to get some testing done and discover that Samuel and Neil have retained primitive reflexes. What does that mean? Well, a baby has God given reflexes that normally get integrated as they develop, some kids retain or keep those reflexes which can bring about different challenges for them as they age.

For our family this means one reflex for Neil can be triggered and his brain does not receive the information to then be able to assess, “I am not in danger.” His body is sent into fight or flight mode, even though there is no reason to fight or flight. What triggers this? It’s a myriad of things but often it deals with the senses. You’ve probably heard of sensory processing issues, well for Neil and Sam it is like those senses are extremely sensitive. It may be taste/oral, sound, sight, touch or smell that disrupts them.

It is literally at this point that I begin laughing because God brought us to one of the most sensory overload countries in the world is my guess. But I think it was coming here that opened the door to truly seeing the challenges the boys face in a different light.

For Neil sound is a big one. In the U.S. we would hear sirens a lot but otherwise road noise specifically was minimal. Here, well, you drive with hands on the wheel and thumbs on the horn. You honk to communicate. Constant honking. We are yelled at everywhere we go, “muzungu!”. Other senses ignited in a short car ride are the fact that you can’t sit still if you try, your body moves because of the bumps and the curvy, mountain roads. The smells coming in are not always bad but certainly very different from any in America. Then you park the car and people are there, sometimes just staring, often begging or selling and every once in a while just wanting to say hi to you.

The close proximity people get to you is unnerving to me at times. Honestly, Josh is usually the one getting out to get items we need because he handles it the best. I can’t imagine being a small child without the ability to accurately assess-danger/no danger but rather to be automatically put in a state of must be danger!

Another retained reflex of Sam and Neil’s often impacts their sleep. It’s been a challenge, Josh and I are their comfort in those times and we ask God for patience and wisdom to point these precious boys to the only true, perfect Comforter the Holy Spirit. Needless to say, we’re human and disrupted sleep is tough for everyone and impacts a lot of life.

These retained reflexes impact their schooling too. We’re all figuring this out. Sarah, the occupational therapist, has been a Godsend. We’re able to do short exercises and different movements each day that will eventually help integrate these reflexes. We don’t know what the other side with integrated reflexes will look like or when and we have certainly prayed a lot wondering if we’re doing the best for the boys specifically being here.

But for us, these retained reflexes don’t go away by crossing back over the Atlantic Ocean. Many things would not be the same, but there would still be many things. God has all 5 of us here for such a time as this. Oh yes, I have questioned it and I have definitely shed tears. The lie is we’re not free to minister as fully as we want, but the truth is He gives us all we need and if we’re doing all God wants, well then, that’s all we need. Plus, just this morning I ran into a student and he said, “you are truly transforming our lives.” I don’t see it. I certainly have a different perspective, but that’s enough to know God is working in and through us even when I don’t feel or see it.

My heart, per usual, has been ripped open in Burundi. Burundi will have that effect on people if they let it. But it’s also been a different kind of raw when it is your mama heart struggling and battling on behalf of your kids.

This I know. God gave us 3 incredible boys. He did not make His first mistake by making us their parents. These challenges are growing our family, most importantly closer to Him and also closer to each other. Josiah is growing into a strong young man. He is such a gift to this family, he has a quiet strength and a fierce love for his family. Samuel is such a miracle. He has had many challenges and he perseveres and is learning to press into Jesus through all of life. Neil is a precious growing boy. His passion and energy are being refined and used by God. We pray in faith that these 3 boys will be used by God throughout their lives. The challenges will grow them, the battles, though they will be scarred and wounded, will bring them closer to their Savior and there is nothing Josh and I want more for them in this life.

Thank you for your prayers. Really I have scratched the surface, but thank you for taking the time to read this post and to remember us.